Like I Never Left At All

I feel such a longing for India as of late. Really I feel a longing for any place where the people really need me.  I know people need me here, but not in the same way. I will, and cannot, forget those faces. I never want to. I would give anything to be on a plane back.

So much feels unfinished. And I think the broken pieces of me and my heart were getting fixed over there, and they just want to go back so bad. I'd give anything to go back.

And this time I would not have that feeling in the pit of the stomach, the one that made me cry at night. The one that told me I should be missing someone back home. Because as it turned out, he didn't miss me. I'd give anything to go back.

Ever since then it feels like I've been watching it all play back through a glass window. And I'd give anything to go back.

Yours, 

K

I Set Out to Serve The Lord

I get to go home this afternoon for Thanksgiving break, and I am beyond excited. Though I have scurried home a few random times for doctor's appointments and on Halloween just 'cause, I have not really had good, quality time at home in a while. I miss my house and my family so very much! In the spirit of Thanksgiving, arguably one of my favorite holidays, I thought I would share what I am most thankful for.

"Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me

On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul...

In death and in life I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love

My debt is paid there's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love"

I am thankful for my Father's love that I am so undeserving of yet so comforted by. I have done nothing to earn his affection and adoration and He has done everything to earn mine. I think the greatest love story of my life has to be the one between my God and me. I can rest assured that "the Lord will fight for me, I need only be still" (Exodus 14:14) in all worldly and Godly avenues. I am so humbled by the way in which God has revealed himself in my walk in college. He only continues to manifest himself to me through people, interactions, and this University, and I am completely enamored by it. 

I hope you all have a most beautiful Thanksgiving. May the people around your table and in your heart be more important than the food on your table, the worries on your mind, and the troubles of your world. 

God bless, 

K

In honor of our hometown boy, I give you American Idol Phillip Phillips. 

Glowing

"you don't know where you're going

and you won't tell me, for fear I'll follow suit

and you're tryin to save me from your past of bad decisions 

but my decision's always gonna be to follow you"

I think the Script will hit gold with this single, "Glowing". Literally, I am calling it now... but this post has very little to do with those lyrics so let's skip to the good part--

The past week was absolutely grand. It was Homecoming week here in Mercer Land, and I thoroughly enjoyed everything I got to participate in. I wish I had not had so much school work and other stuff weighing on me, but I still think I made the best of things.

I came to the realization this morning that I only get one more of these. "Homecoming". To come home to a place means you feel complete and safe there. In a sense, you're glowing. You're at both your best and worst there. I definitely feel that is true of my experience here. I have grown up here, and I still am. Almost all of the best memories of my life so far are tied in some way to Mercer. I can't believe this time has gone so fast, and I can't help but be timid about the future. What home do I get to come to after this one? Where is the path leading from here?

I cannot help but enjoy these moments as they come, because "by the time I realize this moment, it'll be gone", in the words of JM. I really do hope I am not watching life pass me by. I know I am not on nights like last night, on the night when I took the stage to lip sync in the same chapel I first stepped into my freshman year for Convocation, on nights where I'm wasting the gas in one of my best friend's trucks just listening to him defend the fact that we are Democrats and he is listening to me--and this time really listening--pour out my soul, on the sunny afternoon where I ate the Krystal Cheeseanator with one of my greatest friends on the bank of the river talking about when we grow old, on the night when I celebrated my best girl friend's 22nd birthday, on the afternoon I decided to take a chance and run for SGA...these are the times for the books.
In one year, my last homecoming as an undergraduate will be over, and I hope I can look back then like I look back now--with a smile and a simple sweetness. 

So I leave you with this, and I will keep it in mind too:
"Promise me you will not spend so much time

treading water and trying to keep your head

above water that you forget,

truly forget, 

how much you have always loved to swim"

-Tyler Knott Gregson

God bless those bears,
K

After a While

Can Music Save Your Mortal Soul?

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one"

All my music junkies, this one is for you. I've been giving a lot of thought to the power of music for some time now and I have come to the conclusion that, why yes, music is the pulse on my life. You can take a cue to how I'm feeling by my Spotify rotation for the day, week, or month. I pride myself on my knowledge of music. And I think I can make someone fall for me with my mixtapes. Don't try me!

I've also got really caught up on the phrase "I feel infinite", which I stole from the marvelous book and now movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I went on a whimsical adventure with two friends to Atlanta a few weeks ago to see the 9:45 showing on a school night, and the night is now lodged in the top ten memories of college.

Speaking of the top ten list, I also got the splendid opportunity to visit my best friend in Atlanta to see the Script this past weekend. While the concert was top notch entertainment, and I died a little inside when I heard "For the First Time", I am more thankful for the time I got to spend with him singing to John Mayer on I-75 and having deep conversations at a greasy table at The Varsity and sleeping in the passenger seat next to him on the ride home.

All this to say, I have been having some pretty amazing days lately. I am realizing who to count among friends, and I am trying to wholeheartedly make a conscious effort to invest in those relationships right now. For too long I have been wrapped up so much in myself that I have forgotten the power of investing in another life. I have had some pretty great mentors here at Mercer, and I want to be that same amazing grace to someone else. I think that's when you can see God's love really in action.

I am on the up and up, and thank you for sticking by me.

So for this post, let's give credit where credit is due--to the music. So here is my playlist for you tonight. Hope you get some infinite experiences this week. Let's start living, people.

1. Augustana – I Still Ain't Over You Goodness be, I love some Augustana.
2. John Mayer – Slow Dancing In A Burning Room No way to get past a JM song on any playlist of mine.
3. Katy Perry – The One That Got Away - Acoustic You can feel her emotion like no other. So beautiful.
4. Shane & Shane – It Is Well One of the best hymns ever in my opinion.
5. Chris Tomlin – All My Fountains My wake-up song. Love this. So much truth to it too.
6. Miranda Lambert – Me and Your Cigarettes I just get this song.
7. Coldplay – Lost! "Just because you're losing, doesn't mean that you're lost" keep your chin up, kiddos.
8. Greg Laswell – Girls Just Want To Have Fun (Demo) Classic and classy.
9. Carrie Underwood – Good In Goodbye Feels appropriate.
10. Roy Orbison – You Got It A lot of people don't know this about me, but I want to walk down the aisle to an instrumental version of this song :)

Always yours,
K