Heavier Things

Aptly nodding to one of my favorite bad boys, John Mayer, I thought I'd call this post "Heavier Things". I think I have been covering in this blog plenty of "heavier things" lately, but I wanted to lay it all out on the line again. I've got a lot of heavy things on my mind lately, namely graduate school, the looming graduation date in 3 semesters that still calls for a good 50 odd hours to be completed (yeah, I don't see the math adding up either), how I am going to pay for all that; why I have so much (in terms of materialism) while others have so little, why my friends don't seem to understand why I feel guilty for my lifestyle, why I constantly am homesick for a place I was only in for 21 days, how salt and vinegar chips take me back to the inside of a rickshaw and the feeling of freedom; and why "In Your Atmosphere" and "Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall" can take me back in the blink of an eye to very vivid but sad memories. 

With all that swarming in my brunette brain, I'm certainly wondering what God has up His sleeve. In some ways I am very excited to see what all He has in store. God has certainly unfolded my life in ways unimaginable to me before. Coming to Mercer was unexpected. Getting a scholarship for Mercer on Mission was inconceivable a few years ago. Becoming a business major was an interesting wrench thrown in. All the people I have met along the way have added color and excitement and happiness and other times, tears and lessons to be learned and bitterness. I don't regret a single path I took, but I have come to the conclusion that I did very little of that on my own. Even in times when I was less focused on God than others, He was ultimately in control. I think God does a lot of setting things in motion when we least expect it. That is an awesome thing to trust your heart in. Where your heart wanders is where it wants to be most, and although my heart may have spent some time wandering to some "heavier things" lately, I think it is all for the glory of God's perfect plan for me. He is putting some hard questions in my life to see if I trust enough in him to just let the questions resound, without answer. What a strange thing--I mean, we often ask questions to find an answer. And it is true, we will get an answer--"seek and it will be found" (Matthew 7:7)--but maybe not on our timeline or in the way we wanted it. I love the way C.S. Lewis explains it in that:

"We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings...but by accepting

them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor.

If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which

they should break, so be it."

I would love to imagine God draining me of myself and my sin and replacing me with an everlasting fullness and peace known as His love and mercy. I am eager to see how all this unfolds over the next year and in the coming years; it leaves a lot of room for growth that I am excited to see :)

Like a fine wine, this post goes well with John Mayer – Bigger Than My Body. 

Teeheehee. LYLAS readers.

Yours, 

K