I got a right, I got a reason, got a destiny
I know exactly where I'm headed and I'm never looking back
Well, nothing's holding me back"
Tonight, as I should be studying for management, I find myself longing to write. I have not had much time lately to devote to my sweet craft, but tonight I just feel compelled to. Or maybe I'm avoiding studying haha. But in all honesty, I always feel much more full of life after I write. It is like my own artificial sunlight up here on the third floor of Jack Tarver.
I have been struggling a lot with the idea of friendship lately, and I have found myself asserting my own independence in a lot of my relationships. I cannot really pinpoint where this desire to be alone is coming from, but frankly, it is not bothering me. In the past I think I have used people and places and events and things to fill my time when I did not want to feel anything, but I think now I realize that is both unhealthy and unrealistic. Emotions and feelings need processing and in their time. I no longer feel the need to keep myself busy so that I do not have to be myself to think. Strangely, I am learning to enjoy time to myself. Introspective time like that is time for God, time for me, time for eating a box of goldfish, time for watching TV (considering that I have used it probably twice this year), time for studying (new, I know), time for time well wasted. I am reveling in that kind of time right now. And while I am keeping busy and still having a social life (don't be worried--check the FB photos haha), I am learning to take time for me. I think it is okay to be selfish sometimes. Especially with time...we only get so much of it, so if you find something that brings a smile to your face I say it cannot be that bad. Junior year is looking a lot like: you do you. And I like it.
Your favorite gypsy :)
K
The title and opening lyrics are from a little diddy called "Shot in the Dark" by Augustana. Good, chill music. Check it.
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