I Carry Your Heart (I Carry It in My Heart)

Oh boy. Here we go. Today is the BIG day! I'll be on the way to Atlanta to be dropped off very soon, and then on a few plane rides across the WORLD. Sorry to be so crazy (and for this stream of consciousness post), but I am SO excited. The nervousness really has not set in yet. I am thinking that hits me somewhere tomorrow in an airport terminal in Atlanta, but as of today, no worries. Pray that it stays that way :)

I have a few last thoughts and comments to share with all of you, but I have to make them short and sweet unfortunately. I won't be able to check or post to the blog while gone, but have no fear, I will be journaling the whole time to come back and transcribe to you all on here. SWEET. So here goes my last bits for the month of July--

I am so very excited, as mentioned earlier. I will try to share everything I possibly can. I also ask for your prayers in safety and trust in God while over there. I know He will not bring me to anything He cannot lead me through. As I told someone earlier this summer, I take my God with me everywhere I go. Rest assured He'll be by my side!

Pray for my sweet family and friends. I will miss them tremendously. This has been such a summer of growth, but all around good times. Many a night I spent slouched over my kitchen table doing homework or stayed up until all hours in our hotel room to complete an assignment, and had it not been for my family I probably would not have had the energy or patience for all that. God bless these people so close to me for listening to me go on and on for the past months, weeks, and days about a place I have never been before. They have been so sweet to listen to my dreams and fears, and I love them so very much. They're my heartbeat. I carry them with me too. 

Wednesday I had a bit of a nervous meltdown in my kitchen with my Momma and she assured me there was still time to back out...(that was not entirely true, but hey, I was crying pretty hard). I said a little prayer that went something like, "dear God, if I am not supposed to go, don't let me"...and the next morning I woke up so peaceful and happy to a resounding answer "Go, my child." I have never heard His voice so clearly. So where He calls, I go...

I cannot wait to meet these people. I cannot wait to fall in love with them. The sights, sounds, tastes, smells, colors, everything. I just cannot imagine and comprehend all this. It is not something I deserve; but I will wholeheartedly pursue it with everything I have. 

Lastly, I want to work at it all for the glory of God. If nothing else, let it be a testimony to everyone  of the faith and love of my Father. I know He will get me through it all, and I hope to express that while there. God bless. 

Until August! Love you so very much, 

Kels

Matthew 28:19
And from my very first blog post, "here's to losing myself and finding myself"

The title is a reference to one of THE BEST poems ever written by the one and only e.e. cummings.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

"Let your light shine before others that they may 

see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven."

 Matthew 5:16

One of my dearest friends thus far in college (you can read his blog here) told me as I started this blog that it was amazing how firm I was in my faith and how well I was able to communicate its depth to people in just a few lines. His compliment really took me aback, because most of my life I have been very skeptical of people who were overly-anxious to share their faith. Even more so, I was extremely scared to share mine. I grew up a Christian and always knew I had a God and Savior, but I never felt like my story was "good enough" or awe-inspiring. In an essence, I lacked a confidence in my faith and probably that was from a lack of confidence in my relationship with my God. 

My first two years of high school were extremely difficult personally--I lost two family members within three months of each other, I was struggling to adjust academically to a college preparatory school, and simply put, I did not fit in (insert teen angst here haha), and it took me the next two years to get past all that. By freshman year of college I was definitely looking to establish a strong relationship with God. One of my favorite hymns "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" perfectly describes how I felt. The lines "prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love" were written for yours truly. I was definitely a wanderer, and in many ways still am. But by sophomore year I had my faith tested, and my heart began to sing the next few lines of that hymn "here’s my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above". A few idols I had on my heart and mind were taken from me, and I am so completely thankful that they were. Now I wonder why I ever devoted so much time to anything but developing my relationship with my Father. 

Sometimes I find myself embarrassed of that wasted time, but then remember that it was all a part of His plan. Had I not been out wandering in the pasture, He would have never had a chance to call  his girl back. Isn't that what we all are chasing--someone to call out our name and want us to come back to them? When God is calling you, that is a great day; in fact the best day, in my book. So in the past few months I have tried to be more expressive with my faith, and hopefully it has shown. I am constantly reminded of God's words to Moses in Exodus 4:11, "who gives speech to mortals? Who makes them mute or deaf, seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go, and I will be your mouth and teach you what you are to speak." That is so reassuring, and I know when I do not have the right words, He will. 

That title is a nod to J.R.R. Tolkein, and it is one of my favs :)