This'll Be Our Summer

Is this not the cutest thing you ever did see? I think a love like this is rare and all the more beautiful for that very reason! This is a love letter from Johnny Cash to his soulmate, June. Find more love things at LettersofNote.com.

I have pretty high hopes for this summer and considering we are officially four days into June, I'd say I'm meeting those expectations fairly well. I'm in the thick of four jobs--all very different, but equally exciting and challenging--being a camp assistant, a social media and event intern, a grant-writing shadow, and a baby-toting nursery keeper. I feel like all of these positions are relevant in different ways to my future, with the word "patience" creeping up quite a bit. I'm not taking any classes this summer (if you want to read about that hell on Earth, refer to last summer's posts), but I am in the midst of grad-school perusing and GRE studying. Both of these tasks feel daunting and overwhelming, but ultimately exciting. That sure is something to look forward to.

If you know me in real life, you may have noticed a recent addition to my love life, also known as a boyfriend. What a feat in itself for this kid, you may be thinking. This relationship status change has been just that, a change for me, but an awesome and amazing one to say the least. I believe I have found my best friend in this guy in just a few months. It is a whirlwind and exciting adventure all at one time. It is most definitely the healthiest, if not only healthy, relationship I've ever been in thus far in college, and that in itself is most wonderful. I do believe I finally know what it means to be committed to someone without losing your independence. I know myself through this relationship but not because of it; something very different than what I have experienced in the past. Today I was asked by someone for advice on dating in college and I without hesitation said "Make sure it is worth it." Like anything I believe a relationship can be a learning experience, but sometimes I think we chalk relationships up to our only learning experience, which is far from the truth. This time I am confident this relationship is worth it. Worth the risk of getting hurt and more positively, worth the risk of being loved. That's enough sappy sap for now. But in the meantime please keep my beau in your prayers as he is currently saving the world, playing soccer with schoolkids, and living in Brazil!

I have an obsession with coozies, per ESchnei. And I am officially countdowning to beach day. Heck yes!

Let's talk summer. This summer holds a lot of promise for me and for my dear friends who are on awesome vacations, exciting mission trips, and life-changing adventures called JOBS! I wish for all of you a most fabulous summer. One that hopefully includes one day of sleeping in, one day of reading for fun, and one day of drinking some margaritas and eating some delicious Mexican food. Life sure is busy, but it's so much more fun when you are living it. 

Yours, 

K

Happy One Year, Southern Sugar Plum!

This week is the one year anniversary of my first post! In honor I'm introducing an easier to read layout and promising to write more :) Thanks to everybody who is still tuned in. I have thoroughly enjoyed having such an open and public medium for writing down my thoughts.

Yours, 

K

My Love She Keeps Me Warm

I have come to realize a lot of things in the past year. One in particular I'd like to commit to writing. I have come to realize I will never, ever forget the day that someone very close to me came out. And I will never forget what it felt like to be so proud and to know someone so brave. I will never, ever stop championing for equal marriage rights. I hope to see the law changed in my lifetime, but until then I will continue to advocate. I will continue to believe that love is the greatest emotional connection that God bestowed to man. I will try to remember that not everyone has the choice to show their love so publicly, and I will try to remind them that that does not mean they are wrong. I believe love is free and easy but at the same time the rarest and most sought after good you'll ever chase, the hardest light you'll ever try to hold, and the best adventure you can ever hope for.

I'll continue to believe that love is worth every heartache that may follow; I will know that true love is limitless because my Father's love is; I will devote my life to loving like He did and when I am tired of doing that, I pray that someone is there I love to remind me to keep going.

I hope you learn to love yourself first and second that you learn to love with an open heart. Be your own champion and then be someone else's.

Yours,
K

It Can't Be About the Wait

Disclaimer: I wrote this about six weeks ago, and never finished the post. But wanted to share what I did write, because I think it has a lot of merit--

I have been doing a bible study called What Do You Do With Your Wait by Mike Harder, and I'm loving it. I would highly recommend it to a 20-something wondering why they've been "waiting" for life to start. The resounding message is: it already has. And whatever you are worried about, God has already put in motion for you or else He deemed something better. That's a pretty tough one to swallow, but it has been good to hear.

Which brings me to my favorite lesson thus far, which is that the wait can't be about the wait. I think I really have been following into that self-pity hole lately. It is warmly comforting to know that God's timing is perfect.

Sounds Like Hallelujah

Whew. Sure has been a long time since I wrote to you all. First of all, let me apologize for the long and unnecessary hiatus. Several times I have wanted to stop whatever I was doing to write, but I wanted to wait until my mind was clear of a lot of things before doing that...hence the almost two month break from the blog. There is so much to catch you up on so I will start from the beginning--

Last semester I took office as a Junior Senator on SGA as the result of a special election. It was something new, exciting, and very different from anything else I was involved in. To be quite honest, my first few senates were not what I thought they'd be, but I was determined to give it a shot. I came back from Christmas break and was still in office. I was approached at the beginning of the new year by one of my oldest friends here at Mercer--literally I met him the day I started college--about running for Vice-President on his ticket. I gave it a week's thought. I prayed about it. Talked about it. Almost cried about it. But eventually came to the conclusion that I should not run for VP. Much to my friend's dismay, my answer wasn't the one he had anticipated. He bought me a coffee (first step in bribing me) and we talked it over. We decided the pros outweighed the cons--one of the pros being that we are both bad*** (lolz). But in all reality and honesty, we realized that our passions intersected and that our ideas really were for the best of the university. So there on a Sunday afternoon outside Jittery Joe's, I committed to run for VP of the student body. It seemed pretty appropriate considering JJ has hosted most of the important decisions of my life while in college. 

From there everything was a complete whirlwind. We cranked it out over spring break-- painting a banner in my best friend's garage and having an upstairs "office" in her parent's house. Which brings me to a very good side point. Thank you little Ellen. You are forever my legacy and I am forever yours. I love you very much and I am forever indebted to you for your friendship (there you go, your first explicit shout-out on the blog). 

We came back to school and hit the ground running. For two weeks I planned to shake 478 hands--check the complete story here, I made a lot of promises, and I conquered my fear of public speaking with a debate.  It was absolutely crazy. I remember towards the end, I was literally walking to class, and could barely even see in front of me I was so tired. I could not recall any conversations I had with people and I definitely was never prepared for class. The campaign was my life. It was a ton of fun, but it all had to end. It did on a Wednesday evening as I learned I was not voted Vice-President for the upcoming year.

The feeling best to describe it now--almost a month later--is one of no regrets. I felt numb immediately afterwards and still do at times. But not for a second have I regretted putting my name, my heart, and my self on the line. The experience had great dividends, and it is one I will never forget.

So that is part I of Junior Year second semester updates...stay tuned!

Yours,
Kels

You're My Sweetheart

Hope everyone had a most fabulous Valentine's Day! I must admit I had a great one--dressing up for a fancy dinner out with friends followed by a couch-viewing of "Crazy, Stupid Love". And I truly believe this was the first Valentine's that I was not painfully aware of the fact that I am single. I thoroughly enjoyed the night, and honestly wanted for nothing more. I think I'm beginning to see how single-hood has its place and purpose in my life. God and I sure are spending more quality time together; and while it could always be more, I am noticing it becoming more authentic now in my life. I'm beginning to find myself in the midst of a more robust, but fulfilling schedule for life, and I love it! The only thing I could say I truly yearn for is more adventures (not all who wander are lost, right??). But not so much for a "better half", or even another half at all. It is still a day-to-day struggle, but I think I have made a lot of progress!

Have a great weekend, loves. Oh P.S., been reading some pretty killer novels lately. Would love to pass on some recommendations if you're in the mood!

“There is much more strength in a man who reveals himself only when it is necessary. I have suffered from being alone, but because I have been able to keep my secret I have overcome the suffering of loneliness … And, today, there is no greater joy than to live alone and unknown. My deepest joy is to write. To accept the world and to accept pleasure—but only when I am stripped bare of everything. I should not be worthy to love the bare and empty beaches if I could not remain naked in the presence of myself. For the first time I can understand the meaning of the word happiness without any ambiguity. It is a little different from what men normally mean when they say: ‘I am happy.’ A certain persistence in despair finally gives birth to joy … And if I now feel that I have come to a turning point in my life, this not because of what I have won but because of what I have lost. Within me, I feel a deep and intense strength that will enable me to live as I intend. If, today, I feel so distant from everything, it is because I have strength only to love and to admire. Life with its face of tears and sun, life in the salt sea and on warm stones, life as I love and understand it—as I caress it I feel my love and despair gathering strength within me. Today is not like a resting place between ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ It is both ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ ‘No,’ and rebellion against everything which is not tears and sunlight. ‘Yes’ to my life, whose future promise I now feel within myself for the first time.” Albert Camus, Notebooks

Where The Light Enters

"The wound is the place where

The Light enters you."

-Rumi

Tonight I find my soul overwhelmed by the loveliness of the grace of my God. He is sufficient to save my soul; to enrapture it in true love; to collect every piece of me and put it back together; to break me and mold me back into the woman He has marveled me to be. I am excited to see the way God works in my life over the rest of this semester. I say this because today I heard a sermon on Ecclesiastes 4:6, "Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil.." and it really clicked today that to have one hand open to God means exactly what it says. If I would stop clenching and holding on so tightly to that which is not meant for me and instead leave one hand open to hold God's hand (like that of a child of God) and to receive that which he has meant and reserved for just me, I would be so much better for it. 

I have a few prayer requests on my heart, and I think there is no better method to let the angel armies work on them than to commit them to writing. Tonight I pray for a heart so full of peace that it leaves room only for God and his will to be done. I pray for my friends as they explore what it means to be young adults and soon what it means to venture out into His world to commit His will to His people. I pray for the adventures of this summer! I am truly looking forward to them. I pray for my sorority that it will continue to flourish as it has and that I will be renewed in the sense of loyalty that it inspires. I pray for my University because it truly has believed in me when I have not believed in myself. I pray for my dear family. It has been far too long since I have been home (I'm being dramatic, but I'm homesick for them all the time!) and I know they are all super busy. I pray that they see the good of their works and that they are honored in God's glory. I pray for India, the place has my heartstrings. I pray for you if you're reading this because that makes me super happy! I pray for our world and our leadership that we will find God's light in everything broken and we will let Him heal us. 

Have a great week and may your hearts be open to the light.

K

What I Am Scared Most Of

It is funny how a lot of little moments get strung along into a long line of hopefully, but not always so, good memories. It has been a little over a month since Christmas and it has surely been a whirlwind since then. I won't even try to chronicle all the little moments, but there certainly have been a lot of them lately. I have certainly felt my God orchestrating a lot of these little moments, as in, I am often almost moved to tears because I can see the face of God in what He is doing in my life. It is astonishing to me how much faith my Father has in me-- a girl who once (and sometimes still does) considered herself awkward and picked herself apart in the mirror. I only wish I could give back as much faith to Him, because he truly is the only object worthy of that kind of affection.



Sometimes I feel quite overwhelmed by the things He puts in my life because I simply do not know if I am capable of doing it. I'm scared I won't have the words, the strength, the confidence--whatever it may be. I'm most scared of the light God has put in me. I cannot describe it any other way, but I can trust in Him all day long, but I can't seem to put that same trust in myself. If I had to imagine, I think my Father would be disappointed in that reaction because I think we are living on this Earth as extensions of his love, grace, and mercy, and I really should be able to demonstrate those characteristics even to myself.

I can only trust that my God would not lead me anywhere He cannot carry me Himself and that what is for me He will not let pass me by. I hope today you feel that same confidence in God and we can work on feeling that confidence in ourselves together :)

Yours,
K

"I never lived till

 I lived in your light"

Proceed As The Way Opens

This morning I visited a new church here in College Town and was pleasantly bombarded with a made-for-me message. Today was Epiphany Sunday, honoring the visit of the three wise men to the baby Jesus. Not only is the word epiphany high up on my favorite words list, but I can also dig the idea of near aimlessly but in true faith following that which we cannot really manifest into words or even into concrete substance. But what I was really jumping out of my pew about was the phrase, "Proceed as the way opens", that our preacher attributed to the Quakers. I think that is absolute brilliance. How smart would I be to entrust my life and all its little things to its Creator? In fact, since it is not my own--and never has been--who am I to be taking it over, anyway? And if He already has everything I need ("All the Lord has is mine" of John 16:15) what would I be giving up by leaving Him? I think that is some pretty smart thinking to be doing, and I'm glad I remembered to do it today. Think what you can commit and turn over to God today; I'm willing to risk everything--even my life--to bet He would be happy to take it off your hands.

Yours,
K

If you feel like indulging in my music tastes tonight I give you the the Avett Brothers.

Auld Lang Syne

"We'll take a cup of kindness yet for auld lang syne"

I don't really believe in resolutions anymore because I believe we are constantly changing. Our hearts should-- key word being should--always be open to the new paths and directions that our lives lead them towards. Instead I wanted to put in words what I'd like to accomplish, remember, and advocate for in the year 2013. This is the year that I turn 21, that one of my best friends graduates from college, that I will move out of Greek Village, that I start my senior year of undergraduate...and much more that I can not anticipate and do not want to. 

1. Find a job(s) for the summer that is away from home.

2. Dip your toes in the ocean water. 

3. Start believing that everything truly works out...hasn't it up until now?

4. Run a sub 30 5K. More than once.

5. Read to a child. 

6. Remember what it was like to having an actual savings account. Lolz. But really. 

7. Study and take the GRE. Woohoo!

8. Conquer the fear of heights. Confront it at least once this year.

9. Learn to REST this restless heart in God. Daily struggle, but would love to work on it more this year.

10. Live in such way so that if anyone were to speak ill of you nobody would believe it. 

11. Fib less often.

12. Find my favorite alcoholic beverage.

13. WRITE MORE OFTEN :)

14. Keep up the concert list.

15. Expand my vocabulary. 

16. Go on a spur of the moment trip.

17.  Cook an entirely made-from-scratch meal. 

18. Volunteer more.

19. Karaoke. Is this mike on?

20. Keep the present a present. You're truly blessed just to have it. 

For good measure, 

21."Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32

"For what it's worth: it's never too late, or in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." -Mr. F. Scott Fitzgerald 

Happy first of the year, 

K