The Day I Became In Charge of My Own Happiness

"And given half the chance would I take any of it back?

It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone

It's always darkest before the dawn"

What is happiness? Where can we find it and when can we stop chasing it? I think the best answer I've ever heard comes from one of my all-time favorite bands, The Fray. "Happiness is like the old man told me/Look for it, but you’ll never find it all/But let it go, live your life and leave it/Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home" is the last stanza of this song--one that almost always brings me to tears. I have been struggling a lot lately to find the happy in a lot of my crappies lately, but I think that comes from me ignoring one of the most important lines of this song--"live your life and leave it". I think too often I, like a lot of people, but an emphasis on the wrong things in life. We chalk a bad day up to one poor conversation with one person or someone not meeting our expectations and we write off the good parts of our day. 

I pay far less attention to the good stuff going on right around me to even appreciate it sometimes. I've got far more going for me than going against me. And there is such hope in that feeling. It can be a pretty broken place to put your faith in that which gives no return. Instead let me remind myself, and you all, what I can put my faith in:

First and foremost, God. Proverbs 16:3 instructs us to "commit everything to the Lord" and that under His guidance everything will be alright. I've got to believe there is a lot of substance to that. The idea of commitment to me is a binding contract on both ends. I've got to put in the work, too. For "where your treasure is, there your heart is also" means I have to invest my time and energy into what really matters (Matthew 6:21). "Where you invest your love, you invest your life."

My family. God-sends. My mom is best friend, and if you are reading this-thank you. For everything.


My friends. They surely are the sunshine of my day. I know I can be a handful sometimes, but they always bring me back to reality. And sometimes they don't mind having wild dreams, too. They keep me grounded but also don't knock me for being a dreamer. And I can dig that.

My education. I'm learning to appreciate my level of education even more so now. I ended up paying my summer school's tuition this summer and that hefty bill taught me a lesson I'll never forget. I can't take for granted the unwarranted opportunities I have been given. I also met a little girl in India who read from the dictionary every day just to learn English. I want to be that little girl when I grow up. I want to make her proud.

Music. I can't do anything these days without it, and I am completely enamored by it.

The good in people. I firmly believe that every day may not be good, but there is still some good in every day. I may be a little less trusting of people or a little more fragile but that is what makes me human. And I am convinced that people are the missing pieces God sends us in search of.