I Feel You Forget Me Like I Used to Feel You Breathe

"All that I know is I don't know 

how to be something you miss"

It's been a week since my last post, and it's been one helluva week. I hurdled through peer advisor training which was a great time to make new friends and bond with my PA family. At the end of the week, we moved in first years and kicked off orientation (yesterday) and today we spent more time with our o-groups. I am beyond thankful, even a year later, to be a part of a program that leaves me feeling more complete every time. While I am supposed to make these students feel more at home, it always works out that they make me feel more at home. Which brings me to the topic of this post:

That deep pang of missing. You know the tingling sensation through your whole core and that quivering of your lip as you fight back tears? Yep, totally had that moment today in the historically breathtaking Newton Chapel at campus worship. I literally fought back tears as I realized that feeling creeping its way into my mind.

I find myself missing India. The smell of sun coming through the window and heating the car seat next to me. Hell, I even miss the food and having to wait an hour and a half for a meal that actually tastes homemade.

I miss my home. Macon of course is my second home, but I miss my family and my house. I miss the feeling of sleeping in my own bed. I feel safe and invincible there, and two days at home after the biggest adventure of my life was by far not long enough. I miss my best friends. The three of them always have my heart. 

I miss the summer and the simplicity of it all. There were some amazing times this summer and now they feel so out of reach.

And lastly I miss the relationships of my life. I've been out of pocket from my best friends--in fact, my two  best friends I've barely seen since I moved back. I miss being able to talk to my mom in the same room. I miss being affiliated to my sorority and knowing what is going on around here. And I miss the relationship that just ended. All these people are a big part of my college life, and I hate to even think about them slipping away. 

Junior year is freaking scary. On so many levels. I know my last post was so positive (what was I thinking??), but here I am a week later and (how punny of me?) a little weaker. I think that's an okay thing. Because God's power is made perfect in weakness. God knows I'm living proof. It hurts like hell though. But I keep telling myself there is another side. There has to be. Right?

Yours,
K