Somewhere Between Cherry Street and Tattnall Park

True confession: I steal all my pictures from Pinterest :)

That's where you can find me five days out of the week, mostly in the dead of afternoon, hair half plastered to the side of my face and half pulled up in a high ponytail. Rocking the Nike shorts, my pride and joy Brooks (saved about $40 on them this summer at AJC's Peachtree Road Race aka baller), and a frat tank. Jamming out to a mixture of middle school era rap songs, good ole country, and of course Mister John Mayer. I am out there pounding the pavement with my trusty running partner, MB and loving every minute of it. Crazy. I know. But I think the essence of running is very much interwoven in the fiber of my soul. So deep. I know.

In all seriousness, running is what I like to call the purest part of my day. Though I do get some alone time during the day, I am not very drawn to seek it out (I'm like 95% extroverted here, people) and quite frankly, am too over-scheduled to demand it for myself. So the hour or so (let's be real, there's a lot of so added to that hour haha) I take to run five miles is the time I get to be inside my head and at the same time outside of it. I like to joke that it is the cheapest form of therapy, and for me it quite literally is. Though I naturally like to talk out loud--and God bless my friends they get to be on the receiving end of this habit--I think I need this time to talk inside my head too. One of my best friends wrote me a letter this summer before I left for India and in it said something to the effect of don't be afraid to ask the tough questions and don't be disappointed when you don't get an answer. I think that is a lot like my relationship to running. Maybe the question I am asking is how to study harder/how to make more time out of my day/how to solve a friend problem/how to get into grad school and I am met smack dab in the middle of the street with an reverberating GO RUN. And I never find the easy answer out there, nor do I want to. I think there is something so unadulterated about my time out there, and I do not want it to become a crutch to fixing everything. But it certainly is the best part of my day, and I feel much better (sweatier) afterwards. 

Running has always been a common love between my mother and I, and I am forever grateful she turned me on to the passion. We hunt down races months in advance and plan our family vacations around them (spoiler alert: we're training for a half in Nashville in the spring!). I am so glad we have between us a bond that nobody else can really get. This weekend she is hosting her cross country team's meet...and I ask for all your prayers for her! She is an amazing person and is putting her whole heart into this weekend. I could not be prouder. Love you.

Happy running (and if you're not yet, let me take you out sometime!)
K

Fix You

I've kind of been in a Coldplay mood lately (imagine that haha) and "Fix You" keeps creeping up. If you know me pretty well, you know I cannot hear the song without crying. There is something so beautiful and captivating about the lyrics, and I love to think "lights are guiding me home". So here comes the question and tonight I am met with a resounding answer. Question: What needs fixing? Answer: Absolutely nothing. As in, I will be fixing nothing about my life...

A window at the Red Fort in New Delhi, India. Totally been here. Totally one of my top ten places on Earth. Totally didn't take this picture, but stole it from this flickr :)

Hold your cookies, people. This is a big one. I repeat again, I will be fixing nothing in my life. Instead, God is doing all the work. Draw your eye over to Psalm 73, verse 26: "My flesh and my heart my fail, but my God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." My flesh and my heart--may fail?--definitely will. I can guarantee you it will. Hearts break and life ends. Sounds mighty depressing, but God meets you in that overwhelming moment and says, "BUT" wait for it, wait for it-- "I will be the strength (you know that renewing confidence that you cannot bottle or buy or find yourself?) of your heart (as in you!) and your portion (as in I am his, and he is mine kind of thing) forever (not until this semester ends or until he breaks up with you or until he gets bored of hearing you complain every day). No we are talking about forever. I cannot even comprehend forever. At twenty, I have no idea what thirty or fifty looks like much less forever.

And stole this one too...from this pinterest board!

That is a big feeling. A feeling that I think sounds a lot like God saying "I will fix you". And I cannot help but delight in that. There is no one on Earth or in heaven who I'd rather fix me than God almighty. He is lining things up exactly how they are to be, and He is molding me into the woman I am meant to become. That is something I cannot do on my own, and it is comforting to know my own limitations. I cannot do anything but turn it all over to Him. "Trust in the Lord will all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-7)," is not only a suggestion, but a downright commandment. I love that. I believe in it, "not because I see it, but because I see everything else by it". Hitting you with a little C.S. Lewis right there. That's all I've got for tonight, stay tuned :)


Because I think writing goes best paired with music, here ya go kind people: The Fray – Happiness. If you don't already love them, talk to me. I can make a believer out of ya.


Yours,
K

When You Think Happiness...

Hey sunshine! I should probably be reading a book out of Genesis for Great Books right now or putting up my laundry, but alas the blog waits for no one. The first week of classes has been so good. Honestly, it appears a lot easier than last semester turned out to be, and I am actually interested in everything I'm studying this semester (hint, hint no accounting=BOSS). 

Recruitment has begun which means I actually wear make-up to class and look not too shabby (if I say so myself) by about 6pm everyday. It is a rush of every sorority girl's dreams packed into three days all culminating in BID DAY. The best day ever all week of any week, in my opinion. I really like Thursdays but by God do I love days that begin with the word bid. 

What I have been reminded of this week is my own sisterhood and why it means so much to me. Getting to talk to so many women going through this process reminds me why I call the house in the middle of Greek row with three perfect letters on its front side home.

I have deemed sorority life as fearless. Fearless is the only way to describe the way a young girl allows herself to grow up alongside 74 other incredibly talented, intelligent, and beautiful women. That kind of environment could intimidate a lot of people, but a sorority woman knows that those women are her home. For four years and for forever those letters unite you in a way I've experienced in few other organizations. I am incredibly blessed for this opportunity and it is one I take for granted far too often. I found my family away from home here. 

So this week I wish the best of luck to all ladies out there trying to find their place, whether it be on Greek row or not. In the words of my Ms. Carrie Bradshaw, "the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship you have is the one with yourself."May we always find ourselves chasing the better parts of ourselves, the glitter yet to be thrown out to the world, and may we always have good people running right beside us.

...I hope you think that little black dress

That's the next line of this oldie but goldie I reference in the title. Sorry I'm not sorry T Swift has been the inspiration lately for song titles :)

Yours, 

K

I Feel You Forget Me Like I Used to Feel You Breathe

"All that I know is I don't know 

how to be something you miss"

It's been a week since my last post, and it's been one helluva week. I hurdled through peer advisor training which was a great time to make new friends and bond with my PA family. At the end of the week, we moved in first years and kicked off orientation (yesterday) and today we spent more time with our o-groups. I am beyond thankful, even a year later, to be a part of a program that leaves me feeling more complete every time. While I am supposed to make these students feel more at home, it always works out that they make me feel more at home. Which brings me to the topic of this post:

That deep pang of missing. You know the tingling sensation through your whole core and that quivering of your lip as you fight back tears? Yep, totally had that moment today in the historically breathtaking Newton Chapel at campus worship. I literally fought back tears as I realized that feeling creeping its way into my mind.

I find myself missing India. The smell of sun coming through the window and heating the car seat next to me. Hell, I even miss the food and having to wait an hour and a half for a meal that actually tastes homemade.

I miss my home. Macon of course is my second home, but I miss my family and my house. I miss the feeling of sleeping in my own bed. I feel safe and invincible there, and two days at home after the biggest adventure of my life was by far not long enough. I miss my best friends. The three of them always have my heart. 

I miss the summer and the simplicity of it all. There were some amazing times this summer and now they feel so out of reach.

And lastly I miss the relationships of my life. I've been out of pocket from my best friends--in fact, my two  best friends I've barely seen since I moved back. I miss being able to talk to my mom in the same room. I miss being affiliated to my sorority and knowing what is going on around here. And I miss the relationship that just ended. All these people are a big part of my college life, and I hate to even think about them slipping away. 

Junior year is freaking scary. On so many levels. I know my last post was so positive (what was I thinking??), but here I am a week later and (how punny of me?) a little weaker. I think that's an okay thing. Because God's power is made perfect in weakness. God knows I'm living proof. It hurts like hell though. But I keep telling myself there is another side. There has to be. Right?

Yours,
K

In Your Atmosphere

While I am hesitant to write this post on what is essentially a public medium--though I still think only my best friends read it :)--I think it would be cheating both myself and you to not share. I'm going to keep the post vague, but I guess what I want to address at the moment is risk. 

Tonight I reeled from the consequences of a risk I took last spring to let someone get close to me.  But I will say conversely whenever I took that chance I also allowed for much growth and opportunity. Personally I learned a lot about my self, my relationship and reliance on God, and what I am looking forward to for future relationships. I really cannot even feel anything but sweet anticipation for the future and a settling peace only my God can give me. Seriously every moment of this ride I was tied to God in prayer and will continue to be. 

So my last bit on this topic is that I still encourage risk in life and love. To risk nothing is to lose nothing, but to lose nothing means you'll always keep the best of you hidden from the world. Go for it. 

And kudos to J.M. for the song title. 

"In Your Atmosphere" was the soundtrack to my summer and now feels just so right. 

-K

Nothing Lasts Forever

Hello friends! It is so good to be back on my own personal blog again. For the past month I have been in India working with the India Fuller Center for Housing to provide affordable housing to the impoverished villagers of Kerala, India. To read almost daily, detailed accounts of our work and travels, read here at the professional blog my classmate Gillian and I undertook over there. 

I would say the experiences changed me much for the better. I'm not even going to try to address everything in this post, because I would rather share things a few at a time so that I leave myself time to process everything before I write about it. But I will tell you I learned a lot about myself and the world around me. Namely, my level or lack thereof of patience, my inability to communicate with everyone (it gets kind of frustrating when we don't speak the same language) and conversely my ability to make almost anyone smile, my breaking point (insert around week two of this adventure when I found myself nearly crying myself to sleep) and then again the point when I rose like a phoenix from those ashes and decided not to waste a moment of precious time (I'll credit this to the children I met over there), my comfort zone and how I redefined it completely 8,000 miles from home. Not every moment was beautiful, but by God there was beauty in every moment. I hope I broke a few stereotypes--try being the smallest member of your team and also a female in a country not comparable to the states on gender equality--and rewrote a few that I even held. I will never forget the faces of that place, but even more so the kindness they showed me. I discovered my passion for travel, and I hope I get to live that passion out one day. I promise to give you more stories over time, but I have only been home three days now, and I am still working through a lot of what happened over there...

But as I write this at 5 am (yeah, my body still wants to sleep at 7pm and wake up at about 4am) I want to touch on where I am in life right now. I find myself nostalgic for the summer as mine ends today. I go back to school today for peer advisor training week. I would give anything to be back at my kitchen table pouring over my studies and singing country music. I would go back in a heart beat to my family cruise and even more so to our visit to Atlanta for Peachtree Road Race as that was one of my last family memories before I left the country. Take me back to the moments when I had the freedom to call up my best friends any time I wanted so we could talk on the phone forever. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited for junior year as I have dubbed it "THE YEAR". But at the same time junior year means growing up and growing up means change. Which I'm apparently not a fan of. I am discovering that nothing lasts forever, quite literally, and every moment soon becomes a memory. As sad as that makes me feel right now I keep telling myself you never get "new" moments if you keep holding on to "old" ones. And I think this is around the time my Father says, "little girl, let go of the reigns. I've got big things in store for you if you quit fighting me." And I don't want to fight those big things anymore. Bring on the good and bad of junior year because I think I am strong enough to take it on :)

God bless. SO GOOD TO BE WRITING RIGHT NOW!

K

I Carry Your Heart (I Carry It in My Heart)

Oh boy. Here we go. Today is the BIG day! I'll be on the way to Atlanta to be dropped off very soon, and then on a few plane rides across the WORLD. Sorry to be so crazy (and for this stream of consciousness post), but I am SO excited. The nervousness really has not set in yet. I am thinking that hits me somewhere tomorrow in an airport terminal in Atlanta, but as of today, no worries. Pray that it stays that way :)

I have a few last thoughts and comments to share with all of you, but I have to make them short and sweet unfortunately. I won't be able to check or post to the blog while gone, but have no fear, I will be journaling the whole time to come back and transcribe to you all on here. SWEET. So here goes my last bits for the month of July--

I am so very excited, as mentioned earlier. I will try to share everything I possibly can. I also ask for your prayers in safety and trust in God while over there. I know He will not bring me to anything He cannot lead me through. As I told someone earlier this summer, I take my God with me everywhere I go. Rest assured He'll be by my side!

Pray for my sweet family and friends. I will miss them tremendously. This has been such a summer of growth, but all around good times. Many a night I spent slouched over my kitchen table doing homework or stayed up until all hours in our hotel room to complete an assignment, and had it not been for my family I probably would not have had the energy or patience for all that. God bless these people so close to me for listening to me go on and on for the past months, weeks, and days about a place I have never been before. They have been so sweet to listen to my dreams and fears, and I love them so very much. They're my heartbeat. I carry them with me too. 

Wednesday I had a bit of a nervous meltdown in my kitchen with my Momma and she assured me there was still time to back out...(that was not entirely true, but hey, I was crying pretty hard). I said a little prayer that went something like, "dear God, if I am not supposed to go, don't let me"...and the next morning I woke up so peaceful and happy to a resounding answer "Go, my child." I have never heard His voice so clearly. So where He calls, I go...

I cannot wait to meet these people. I cannot wait to fall in love with them. The sights, sounds, tastes, smells, colors, everything. I just cannot imagine and comprehend all this. It is not something I deserve; but I will wholeheartedly pursue it with everything I have. 

Lastly, I want to work at it all for the glory of God. If nothing else, let it be a testimony to everyone  of the faith and love of my Father. I know He will get me through it all, and I hope to express that while there. God bless. 

Until August! Love you so very much, 

Kels

Matthew 28:19
And from my very first blog post, "here's to losing myself and finding myself"

The title is a reference to one of THE BEST poems ever written by the one and only e.e. cummings.